Its not about how much you love each other.
One of you wants sex. The other doesn't.
Maybe you're the one who wants it - you're asking, or you've given up asking, or you're frustrated, hurt, thinking about leaving. You feel rejected. Confused about why this is so hard.
Or maybe you're the one who doesn't want it - you never think about it, you're turned off by how your partner asks, you want connection first but your partner wants sex first. Maybe you want to want it. Maybe you just want them to stop asking.
Here's what almost everyone says: "Our relationship is great...except for this."
And here's what you've probably tried: scheduling it, initiating differently, having the talks, reading the books. You're working so hard to meet in the middle. To compromise. To find a frequency or approach that works for both of you.
But meeting in the middle doesn't work. Because this isn't actually about finding a number you can both agree on. It's about a pattern you're both stuck in - and the answer isn't to get one person to want it more and the other to want it less.
So what IS the path forward?
Getting unstuck for real.
Meeting in the middle doesn't work - you already know that from everything you've tried.
The path starts with your body. Not your thoughts about sex, but what's actually happening in your nervous system - the shutdown, the urgency, the bracing. You can't think your way into desire. You have to feel your way back.
It requires challenging what you've been told. That desire should be spontaneous. That someone's broken. That good partners meet each other's needs. Most of what you learned about sex doesn't reflect how it actually works in long-term relationships.
It means working with the pattern, not fixing the person. Understanding the dance you're both caught in - how pursuit and withdrawal lock together, how protecting yourselves hurts both of you. The work is seeing it clearly so you can do something different.
What's possible is fierce intimacy - where both of you can be fully honest without shutting down or pushing harder. Where sex isn't something you're managing or avoiding. Where you choose each other, again and again, from presence instead of pressure.
This work is hard to do alone. You need someone who gets it, who's done it, and who knows how to guide you through it.
Let's Work Together
What becomes possible:
You stop bracing for the next fight about sex. You can be honest without one of you shutting down. You rediscover what it feels like to actually want each other - not perform, not manage, but want.You move from managing your sex life to actually living it. From performing or avoiding to being present. From the same stuck cycle to something that actually feels different.
YOU'RE NOT JUST LEARNING ABOUT
THE PROBLEM.YOU'RE ACTUALLY CHANGING IT.
Most people start with the 2-day intensive - it creates momentum fast and gives you concentrated time to understand the pattern, try new approaches, and build skills together. Then we continue with ongoing coaching to integrate what you learned and sustain the changes.
The Intensive Path
The Coaching Path
Or you can start with ongoing coaching and build from there. Either way, we're doing the same work - just at different paces.
How We Work
The work isn't linear. We go where you need to go based on what's showing up. But we're building toward the same thing: you understanding the pattern, having new experiences with each other, and developing the skills to navigate this differently. Between sessions, you're trying things differently - staying engaged when you'd rather retreat, being honest about what's actually happening, practicing what we work on together.
Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP)
Certified Relational Life Coach (RLT)
AASECT Certified Sex Counselor (CSC)
DNP, FNP-BC (Board Certified Nurse Practitioner)
I'm a Nurse Practitioner, AASECT Certified Sex Counselor, and Relational Life Coach who specializes in sex and intimacy in long-term relationships. I combine medical expertise with body-based and relational tools—because sex problems aren't just in your head, and they're not just about technique.
Hi, I'm Dr. Lori.
I'm glad you're here.
You want to work with someone who gets this from the inside
You're willing to look at your own role in the pattern
You sense there's something deeper than "communication problems"
You're tired of managing your sex life and ready to actually live it
You recognize yourself in the sex clock, the knot, the dance, or the rejection
You're in the right place if...
You are ready for change.
recommended
Two Day
Sex & Intimacy Intensive
Get unstuck in a weekend, not months
$2500 per couple
A concentrated deep-dive where we work through the patterns keeping you stuck, build new skills, and create real momentum for change.
Ongoing Coaching
Ready to get started?
HERE'S HOW WE CAN WORK TOGETHER.
I recommend starting with a 2-day intensive if you can - it creates momentum and gets you unstuck fast. But you can also start with ongoing coaching and build from there. Either way, we're doing the same work.
- Limited to 5 couples per intensive
- Scheduled every other month via zoom (in person option available in Ithaca, NY
- If no other couples join, you get me 1-on-1
Next intensive :
Feb 21-22, 2026
Reserve your spot soon!
Prefer to start with ongoing coaching?
Individual Coaching
Couples Coaching
$350
$500
Per Session
(50 minutes)
Per Session
(50 minutes)
6 Month
Packages Available
Most people work with me weekly for the first month, then move to bi-weekly or monthly. We'll create a plan that makes sense for you.
Book a free call
Ongoing Coaching
Steady progress, sustainable change
Regular sessions give you space to understand the pattern, try new approaches, and integrate changes at a pace that works for your life. Most people work with me weekly at first, then move to bi-weekly or monthly as things shift.
Priority scheduling
Consistent time slot
Between-session support
Structured accountability
Available nationwide via secure video • New clients typically wait 2-3 weeks
You don't have to keep doing this alone.
The pattern isn't going to fix itself. You've tried that. You've read the books, had the talks, made the promises to try harder. And you're still here, still stuck, still exhausted.
This work is hard - but staying stuck is harder.
Schedule a free 20-minute consultation. We'll talk about where you are, what you need, and whether this work makes sense for you. No pressure, no sales pitch - just a real conversation about what's actually possible.
Most consultation calls are scheduled within 3-5 business days
Book a free call
The right help makes all the difference.
Should I do the intensive or just start with coaching?
The intensive gives you concentrated time to understand and shift the pattern - it's like jumpstarting the process. But plenty of people start with coaching and do great work. We can talk about what makes sense for where you are.
What's included in the 6-month package?
Typically 4 weekly sessions to start, then bi-weekly or monthly sessions for the remainder - about 10-12 sessions total. The structure is flexible based on what you need. We can discuss pricing on our consultation call.
Can I do the intensive and then ongoing coaching?
Absolutely. Many people do the intensive to get unstuck, then continue with coaching to integrate and sustain the changes. I can put together a package that includes both.
Do we both have to participate?
Not necessarily. Individual work can be powerful - you can shift the dynamic by changing your own role in it. But if you're both willing, couples work is usually more effective.
What's the difference between coaching and counseling?
Counseling is what I do with clients in NY/VT - licensed clinical work with potential insurance billing. Coaching is nationwide, consultative, private-pay only. Same approach, different structure, intensive support.
Do you take insurance?
No. Coaching is private pay only, which means no diagnoses, no treatment plans, no paperwork.
Questions you might have
Testimonials
Follow me on Instagram @radicalsexologist
