The Relational Desire Intensive
Two Days to Get Unstuck
A private, two-day intensive for two people who love each other and keep getting stuck around sex.
One of you wants more, one of you wants less, and the gap between you has started to run the whole relationship. These two days are how you understand it, and find the way back to wanting, together.
In person in Ithaca, NY or online
You have tried everything you know.
You have read the books. Had the talks. Scheduled the date nights, or stopped bothering.
One of you keeps reaching. One of you keeps bracing.
Nobody is the bad guy. And nothing changes.
You have started to dread the moment that used to feel close.
You wonder if this is just what happens. If this is just who you are now.
So you have settled into a version of normal that quietly aches.
Lying next to someone you love. Feeling the distance anyway.
And underneath it is a fear neither of you says out loud. That it might not get better.
Most of us were handed a very small idea of what sex is, and then left to figure out the rest alone.
The problem is...
Good sex should be effortless. If you have to work at it, the chemistry is gone.
If your partner isn't in the mood, it means they're not attracted to you anymore.
Desire is just your sex drive — either you have it or you don't.
Good sex starts with both people turned on. If you have to warm up to it, something is off.
The problem is real. It is just not the one you have been trying to solve.
Here is the part no one tells you
Desire does not live inside one person, waiting to be switched on.
Most couples come in thinking one of them is the problem. One wants it too much. One not enough. Fix that person, fix the sex life. But that framing is almost never right— and it keeps both people stuck.
Desire runs on safety. On whether wanting feels welcome here. On whether you can stay close to yourself while staying open to your partner. When that erodes, and it erodes in almost every long relationship, both people start to protect themselves in ways that quietly make things worse. That is the pattern. And that is what we actually work on..
It lives between two people. And it is built.
Which means the lower-desire partner is not broken. The higher-desire partner is not too much. There is no one to fix.
There are two people with real, different work to do, and a way of being together that can be learned.
That is what these two days are for.
Desire is bigger, and more alive, than any of us were taught.
None of that is the whole truth.
It can change shape over a life together.
It can go quiet and come back.
It can grow into something better than what you started with.
And once you see it that way, the thing you have been stuck on starts to move.
The Relational Desire Intensive
Before we begin, I meet with each of you alone. Then we work in the body, in the moment, on the actual pattern between you. You leave having done something different, not just talked about it.
INTRODUCING
Two private days with me, built entirely around your relationship.
Two private intake sessions, included. This is where you can say the things that are hard to say in front of your partner, so that when we begin, I already know the terrain.
Then we work for two full days.
Just the two of you and me. Not a workshop. Not a workbook. Focused clinical work on your actual relationship, with room to go deep and practice something new while I am right there with you.
How It Works
Before the two days, I meet with each of you alone.
You leave the session with something simple to do together, focused on connection rather than performance. This is not a gap in the work. It is where the day settles.
The Evening in Between
We find the pattern under the fight. What is really happening, what each of you is protecting, why it keeps repeating. We make the invisible thing visible, so you can both finally see the same picture.
Day One
We build. We work in the body and in the moment, not just in talk. You try new ways of wanting, asking, and answering while I help you stay in it. You leave having done it, not just discussed it.
Day Two
"She also gave us assignments to practice outside the therapeutic space, which helped us apply what we were learning in real time.
I would wholeheartedly recommend her to other couples struggling to connect. Our time with her opened the door to deeper intimacy, understanding, and connection that we are enjoying today."
What My Clients Have Been Saying
"Dr. Lori was attuned and not afraid to bring attention to both my partner’s and my own maladaptive patterns."
- Client Name
Walk out able to
Say a real yes and a real no, and hear one, without it wrecking you
Stay in your own body instead of bracing, performing, or going numb
Ask for what you want without the weight of everything unsaid behind it
Catch the pattern as it happens and step out of it together
Talk about sex without it turning into the same old fight
01
02
03
04
05
My work is somatic and relational
We work with your body and your nervous system, not just your thoughts, because desire lives in the body, and that is where the real shifts happen.
This intensive is built on the Relational Desire framework.
This framework draws on Relational Life Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, and the science of how desire actually works in long-term relationships. It shapes everything: how we understand the pattern, what each partner needs to work on, and how we use the body, not just the conversation, to get there.
The aim is to bring back the parts that have gone quiet. Heat, play, presence, the freedom to want and to be wanted. Two days won't hand you a sex life, but they can shift the ground underneath it in ways that make everything that follows different.
I teach, I guide, and I tell you the truth.
I know how long you may have been carrying this, and I believe you can move out of it. We work close to the bone: what your body does, what happens between you in real time, what each of you is actually bringing into the room. I will teach, interrupt, and lead. And when something important is showing up that needs to change, I will name it.
This is for couples who
01
Have been stuck in the same place around sex for a long time and want to understand it, not just manage it
02
Have done other work, including therapy, and want something deeper and more focused
03
Feel close in many ways, but this one thing keeps pulling them apart
04
Are both willing to show up honestly, even if one of you is more ready than the other
05
Are at a turning point and want to actually move
Not sure it is the right fit? That is what the consult is for. I will tell you honestly if something else would serve you better.
Most couples who come to me have been stuck for years, not months.
WHAT CHANGES
Many have already done rounds of weekly couples therapy that never touched the sex.
In two days, the work covers ground that typically takes months of weekly sessions to reach.
Couples leave able to talk about sex without the conversation detonating. To say what they want out loud, some for the first time in the relationship. To understand the pattern they have been trapped in, and to feel it loosen.
Not every couple arrives in the same place. But they leave seeing the same picture, with a real way forward and the skills to keep walking it.
About Dr. Lori Davis
Sex and desire are not one part of my work. They are all of it. I developed the Relational Desire framework from years of specializing in exactly what brings couples to this intensive. I am certified in Relational Life Therapy and Somatic Experiencing, and I teach sexuality counseling at the University of Michigan. I also supervise and train other clinicians in this work, which means I live inside these questions at every level. My work has been featured in the New York Times, Oprah Daily, Men's Health, and Women's Health.
I am a Doctor of Nursing Practice and an AASECT Certified Sex Counselor.
The work has a next chapter.
after the two days
The two days get things moving. In the weeks that follow, as ordinary life comes back in and new things rise to the surface, most couples want somewhere to keep going.
The Reconnection Series is $1,000 for three 75-minute sessions. It is an optional add on, to integrate and keep moving forward.
$1,000 per Couple
She was attuned and not afraid to bring attention to both my partner’s and my own maladaptive patterns
- Client Name
Lori met us where we were, and guided us to a more open (and pleasurable!) place.
- Client Name
She has helped me learn how to listen to myself and reconnect with my body when I thought that was no longer possible.
- Client Name
You have questions. I have answers.
Frequently Asked Questions
No. This is coaching, not therapy. Therapy often looks back at what is wrong and works to heal it over time. Coaching is focused and forward-moving. We start where you are now, get clear on what you want, and build the skills and shifts to get you there. It is active, practical, and oriented toward change you can feel.
No. This is talking and experiential work, and you are always fully clothed. There is no nudity and no erotic touch, not with me and not between the two of you in session. The somatic work is about noticing what is happening in your own body and learning to stay present. Everything stays clearly within professional, clinical bounds.
That is common, and it is welcome. Bring it to the consult. I do not need you both equally eager. I only need you both willing to show up and be honest. Some of the best work starts with one partner hopeful and one unsure.
Trauma-informed practice is foundational to how I work, not an add-on. If trauma is part of what you carry, we move at the pace your body can handle. Nothing is forced.
Both are real options, and deep work happens in either one. Online, by secure video, works better than most people expect and lets you do the work from a space that already feels like yours. And if you choose to join me in Ithaca, we can help you find beautiful places to stay and wonderful spots to eat, so the trip feels less like an appointment and more like something restorative for the two of you.
No. Some couples come in crisis. Others come because they have been stuck a long time and are ready to understand it. Either is right. You only need to be ready to do something different.
The price covers your two intake sessions and the two-day intensive. Many couples add the Reconnection Series afterward, three 75-minute sessions to keep the work going at their own pace. It is optional, and we decide on it together.
You don't have to keep circling the same painful place.
If you're ready to understand what's happening beneath the surface and explore a different way forward, let's start with a conversation.
We'll decide together whether this work makes sense for your relationship.
Follow me on Instagram @dr.loridavis
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